Growing up, I was an outside kid. I used to play with Rollie pollies, mud, grass, sand, water… I just loved being outside.

And somewhere along the way that changed, I guess, because I began being terrified of bugs and getting hurt; such a wimp.

Well, this week I’m up in Payson, Arizona and I’m somehow unsung my nature side again, because I’ve had my feet in the creek without worrying about the leaches and slept in a hammock without the fear of being mauled by a bear (I am a total drama queen). I’m really happy about it. It’s nice to not have cell reception and being able to relax in nature… Which usually isn’t how I am, to be honest. I’m usually pretty superficial and worried about how I look, but I just feel different lately; more free to be myself and let my guard down. I guess that has transferred itself to this situation I’m in now, being out in the woods.

I think another thing is that I’m surrounded by a family. Growing up as an only child (even though I do have 5 half brothers and sisters), I never really had the huge family bonding and hang out experience. I’m kind of jealous that the people I’m with get to grow up with that, even if they do have their quarrels.

I know I probably sound silly saying this because I’m so young and it’s probably not the thing I should be focusing on, but I honestly think about it a lot. Family. I just want to be able to have a tight knit family. I want to raise my children to understand the value of family and sticking together; having people that you can rely on and that love you nomatter what.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve got the mindset and ideals of someone 10 years older than I am. My goals aren’t set on partying and drinking. I don’t see the point in doing either one.. My sights are set on working, getting through college and getting myself set up in a job I love and being able to support a family and give them the best life ever. I feel like that’s where I should be right now, not partying and boyfriend jumping.

I don’t know if that’s bad or wrong or right but it’s me. Some people don’t understand, but I don’t understand them either, so I suppose it’s understandable.

I don’t know why I’m thinking and dawning on this all right now. Maybe all of this fresh air and temps below 100 in the summer are getting to me and are making me ramble like no other….

But to be honest, I think I’m okay with it. I feel like I’m just one step closer to finding who I am.